Princess Skye (for today)
By Skye the Sheltie, Princess of the House
I would like to begin today’s announcement by reminding everyone of something very important.
I was always a real breed.
I come from a long, dignified line of Shetland Sheepdogs. Herding royalty. Think elegance. Think intelligence. Think floof with purpose. I did not need permission from anyone. I did not need a committee. I did not need a ribbon cutting ceremony from the American Kennel Club.
And yet.
Lenny.
Yes, that Lenny. The treat thief. The counter-surfing opportunist. The dog who believes every snack belongs to him because he once looked at it with his eyes.
Apparently… he is now “official.”
Bolonkas were just recognized by the AKC.
Which means Lenny is no longer just “that small dog with opinions.” He is now a registered breed.
You can imagine how this has gone to his head.
Before this announcement, Lenny already believed he was the center of the universe. Now he believes the universe has finally caught up.
He struts. He pauses mid-walk, as if waiting for applause. He sits taller when treats are involved. And worst of all, he has started referring to himself as “historically significant.”
I am exhausted.
Let’s be clear. Lenny has always been a tyrant. The difference is that now he believes tyranny is justified by paperwork.
If you leave a treat unattended, it is gone. Not eaten politely. Not negotiated for. Gone. Vanished. He does not chew quietly. He crunches loudly. He wants witnesses.
And if you dare look at him while he is committing this act, he locks eyes with you. Slowly. Deliberately. As if to say, Yes. I am doing this. And what are you going to do about it?
Before, we could all agree this was bad behavior.
Now, Lenny claims it is “breed-appropriate.”
I would like to formally object.
I wear a princess crown for a reason. Not because I asked for one. It was bestowed upon me by fate, good posture, and a deep understanding of household rules. I wait my turn. I sit when asked. I do not steal snacks that are clearly intended for someone else.
Lenny calls this “outdated thinking.”
He says the AKC recognizes confidence.
Confidence is not stealing a biscuit while someone else is still chewing.
Confidence is not inserting your face into another dog’s bowl “just to check.”
Confidence is certainly not declaring yourself a national treasure after stealing a liver treat from the counter.
And yet here we are.
The humans say this recognition means Bolonkas are now officially documented. That they have standards. That they have a history. That they are “legitimate.”
Lenny heard only one word: legitimate.
He now believes his crimes are sanctioned.
I tried explaining that recognition does not equal entitlement. That structure and standards come with expectations. That being an official breed means representing something bigger than yourself.
He nodded. Then stole my chew.
So let me say this clearly, for the record, and for the internet.
Recognition does not make you noble.
Character does.
Titles do not make you refined.
Behavior does.
And just because your breed has paperwork now does not mean you get first access to every snack within a five-foot radius.
I congratulate the Bolonkas. Truly. Every dog deserves respect.
But Lenny… calm yourself.
You are still short. You are still loud. And you are still banned from the treat cabinet when unsupervised.
As for me, I will continue my reign as Princess Skye. Crown slightly tilted. Dignity intact. Treats earned, not stolen.
Royalty does not take. Royalty waits.
Even when the tyrant next to you insists otherwise.
👑🐾